Held-Up by a Machine Gun Death Squad

We were on our way overland from the US to Costa Rica. It was an interesting trip and the payoff as such was I was going to go into partnership with an old boss from C.R. to start a new English School.

One of the things you have to be prepared for when driving through Central America is the amount of Bribes you have to pay along the way. Usually you can make it from the US border to San Jose, Costa Rica with between $250 and $300. These are the usual 5 bucks here and 3 bucks there and the occasional $20. We even got nailed in Mexido for $300 or go to jail for having a six pack of beer in the Trunk of the car.

We arrived at the border of El Salvador and Guatemala and crossed over without too much hassle. So we were driving along and we came up on this group of people with machine guns, etc and they stopped us. After about 30 minutes of haggling back and forth one guy with a machine gun called me over to the side and told me, “ Look, We’ve got the guns and you want to go on. Unless you give us some money, you’re not going anyplace. “ Guns pointed at us we decided it was time to make a deal. They called the leader over and he and I went aside and had a little talk. I gave him a little song and dance about we were headed to the capital to get some money at the Western Union and I didn’t have much to give. We got off with 10 bucks and a bottle of this great rum from Guatemala, Ron Botran. I don’t mind the 10 bucks but I sure did hate to part with that rum. I knew at that moment that my Spanish was excellent. It saved our lives.

She Tried to Murder ME!!!

YEP! SHE TRIED TO MURDER ME!!!!

What’s this you are wondering…… Yes, it’s true. I used to work in Costa Rica and fell in love with what I thought was a wonderful woman and we later got married. Granted it was six years after I left and in the mean time she had a child with another man. The child was not a problem. I actually loved the child very much and we got along wonderfully. So that part is out as an issue.

In the five years we were married we lived in Ecuador where I ran a school, US and Saudi Arabia; All three of us. We visited the UK, Spain, Netherlands, So, it’s not like I chained her up in a Concrete Bunker. We had a Sailboat and went sailing in some inloand parts of the Red Sea. Had a nice car and I bought her some gold, etc. We did OK for an English teacher and his family.

BUT, during the time we were married, I found GLASS, STRAIGHT PINS and STAPLES in my food. How did it get there? I didn’t put it there. She cooked the food. That stuff, if allowed to get into your digestive track, etc will do some major damage to your intestines, etc. Who knows what I might have eaten. SHE TRIED TO MURDER ME….

Once when I was working in Saudi she decided to get a Boyfriend whom she later married. I asked the daughter if HE was ever on her side. She said, “No, He doesn’t matter.” I had to ask why. Her answer was “Nothing he says matters in the house. He won’t say anything because that would be going against Mom.”

I guess HE’S afraid of getting MURDERED.

I escaped by the hair on my chinny chin chin.