Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do

I have been away from the blog for along time. Things get screwed up and you let it slide. That's my fault though.

If you ever want to use Orbit Satellite in the Middle East, you had better think twice about it. Not worth the money. It does however, let you get around censors. That's important. Not that I need censoring or want to do anything strange but I just like the freedom to make my own choices. Making your own choices is important in life. Make them and live with them. You can't blame anybody else for your screw ups.

Being an English teacher gives me many chances to screw up but fortunately I manage to keep the screw ups to a minimum.

Go from there.
Just wanted to get it back up and I'll drop in a little later and do some more.

I Think My House Is Haunted. REALLY!

I Think My House is Haunted. REALLY!

Who you gonna call? Ghostbusters!

I don’t normally believe in ghosts or spirits as such. I suppose they do exist but I personally have never seen any. However, three different people that have stayed or lived in my house have seen or experienced them. It’s not an old house as such. It was built in the early 70’s and when my mother died my brothers and I inherited the house. It serves as a place to hang out between teaching jobs. Only one brother lives there on a permanent basis. It must be that he has let undesirable people live there from time to time.

Trailer Doug-The messiest person I have ever seen. The house was always trashed out and dirty. I don’t know how my brother put up with it but I guess that explains why he stayed away for a couple of days at a time working and was rarely there. Trailer Doug reported seeing a shadowy figure go across the kitchen and dining room. He said he saw it a couple of times. Apart from being the dirtiest and messiest person in the world he does go to church regularly and wouldn’t lie about something like this.

Rubber Woman- I call her Rubber Woman because she literally belongs in the Rubber room at the Mental Hospital. She has a Bi-Polar disorder that allows her extensive mood swings. I did make a film about her in a Psychotic episode and the guys in white suits coming to take her away. Candid Camera here I come. However, she did report seeing a ghost and her son, Rubber Boy, reported the same thing. That’s two. It would be different if they were the only instance.

Downer Woman- I call her Downer woman because she is always screwed up on Downers. She didn’t do any of that stuff before my brother let her move in. It all started after she was sure she was in and comfortable. She’s the kind of person that Hospitals call DSI (Drug Seeking Individual)…. This stupid Witch fell down the stairs and broke her arm so she could get painkillers. Then she took the cast off early so she could get some more pain Killers. Several days while I was home on vacation she would be laid out in the floor because she missed her chair and ended up on the floor zonked out for several hours on downers like Soma and some other stuff. We just let her lay there. Screw it. Hopefully he’s in the process of getting that woman out of there. She also reported seeing something.

If one person said something… Well, I would be suspicious. But, three different people over a span of 8 or 9 years have reported ghostly encounters. So I am inclined to believe it. I think it is my Mother’s ghost who comes around when there are Undesirable people living in her house.

How To Drink Vodka Successfully

How To Drink Vodka Successfully
Let’s face it. If you go to Russia or former Soviet Union you will undoubtedly be asked to drink Vodka. There is a right way and there is a wrong way. The wrong way is to say something like, I’ll have a vodka and tonic, or vodka and Orange Juice and sit there and be pithy and chat as if you hanging out with the chums or the girls at the club. After about four or five you have had it. They laugh and you puke your guts out.

Now there is also a right way. Vodka should always be drunk straight out of a shot glass.
The trick is after you do the shot, immediately take a drink of some type of juice, water or something like that. “Gee, isn’t that just like a Screwdriver.” No, it’s not because you should also have a table of food hanging around. Cheese, cucumbers, tomatoes, some type of chips or something to go down in the form of a solid is required. Don’t worry about thinking people will Dis you for eating a lot of food. It’s better to keep it down than have it come back up. If you find yourself wasted, just drink half of it. They’ll understand. But, you must hoist something. It’s rude not to.

If you notice, they don’t drink just to drink. There is always a toast to be had. There is a reason to drink Vodka besides just for the joy of drinking. It’s ceremonial thing.

Other uses for Vodka.
It will clean your whiteboard. It is a good antiseptic. It’s good to rub on your chest and back and then put a T-shirt and sweater on if you have some type of bug. Then you and your partner have to finish the bottle and you will then feel great. Also, if you have the Flu you can drink a shot glass with a spoonful of black pepper and it will cure any symptoms you have. I saw that done and it works.

You see... there are many uses for Vodka. You have to remember one thing…. People who don’t drink or smoke WILL DIE HEALTHY.

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OUTFOXING THE SAUDI COAST GUARD

Outfoxing the Saudi Coast Guard

Sometimes to go diving in the best places in Saudi Arabia you have to Outfox the Saudi Coast Guard. It is their job to harass divers. Not because there is any rhyme or reason but because they feel they have to. You see, they derive their power from what they can Deny instead of what they can Provide.

Outside of Jeddah there is a shipwreck called The Mecca Wreck. It’s a good dive and for some unknown reason the Coast Guard decided they didn’t want anybody diving on the wreck. As anyone who has worked in Third World countries knows, “It’s easier to get forgiven than to get Permission.” We knew that if we got there and made the dive then it would be too late. The Dive had been made.

There were about six of us who wanted to make the dive. We knew we had to get out in the water before the patrol drove by. We stopped up the road and got everything ready and all we had to do was wait for them to go by and drive up and jump out of the car and take off while they were someplace else.

We scoped the layout and as we saw them go by we put the plan into action. We jumped out, got our tanks and off we went out to the reef about 150 yards off shore. One guy had equipment failure and had to stay back at the cars. We were about 100 yards out and we heard a horn honking. We knew it was them and they kept honking. “Nobody look back.” We continued out to the breakwater and down we went. We did the dive and it was cool.

Coming back in they were waiting for us. We got back to shore and they started hassling us about why we didn’t come back when they honked and of course we said, “Honking? We didn’t hear any honking." We then apologized profusely and they went away satisfied that they had shown us their power and mite. We drove home laughing and high-fiving knowing that we had outfoxed the Coast Guard, Again. Everybody was happy.

Teaching After A Bomb Blast

Teaching After A Bomb Blast

One of the things you learned when teaching in Guatemala in the early 80’s was the sound of a Bomb going off. It’s kind of a hollow explosion as opposed to a muffler or a gunshot. Apart of the massive slaughter and murder on both sides I have to hand it to the guerrillas in one area. When they set off a bomb to blow up a building they did it at night or on the weekend when the human casualty would have been low. Whether it was intended that way or not is another question.

I was teaching a class (my very first class doing my own gig) at this large bank with twin towers. The bomb blew up on Sunday night and it looked like someone just rubbed their thumb up the front of a clay building. You could see holes in the adjacent housing and metal fences where parts of the car hit at a high velocity.

When I arrived on Monday morning to teach my class there must have been a million cops all around the place. I, like a fool, waltzed up like I owned the place. They immediately set upon me asking what I was doing there. I explained that I was an English Teacher and I had to come teach a class. After checking me out thoroughly they decided to let me in. I had to get in and start because everyday of delay was a day I didn’t get paid for the next course.

I got to the stairwell and everything was all blown to hell. The fire doors had imploded. Glass & Metal was everywhere. I thought I was on LSD. I finally made my way through the wreckage up to the third floor fully expecting to do a class. I knew in the back of my mind that it wouldn’t come off but, hey, I had to go for it.

I walked in to the office where I was supposed to teach. Man, that place was destroyed. Ceiling stuff hanging down, walls blown out, destroyed furniture. Incredulously I looked at the manager and he looked at me and we both smiled and started laughing. He said, “Give us a week.” I replied, “If they didn’t like my classes, all they had to do was tell me. They didn’t have to blow up the building.”

Driving Through A Gunfight

Having operated a language school in Guatemala City presented one with many memorable activities. One the sticks to mind was Driving Though A Gun Fight. I was with a friend in her car and we were going to this Restaurant in another Zone. She was a nice chick that used to be a teller at the bank that I used. That’s another story.

We were driving along chatting and I Noticed some cops in front of us on the side of the street shooting across the street we were driving on. I ducked and said, “They are Shooting.” She only spoke Spanish and didn’t understand what I was saying. When she figured out what was happening it was too late and nothing to do but keep driving. Pop, Pop, Pop and we were through it. We had some words of excitement, etc and continued to drive on to the restaurant. We got there and got out and checked the car for Bullet Holes. None found, we shrugged and went in and ate Steak and drank wine and had a great evening.

You never know what day will be your last.

I HATE Traveling

I HATE traveling.
Oh My God! An English teacher who goes from country to country that HATES traveling. Blasphemy you say. Well, not really. I just hate traveling. I don’t mind it when I get there and get things unpacked. It’s the process and sloggery of getting from point A to Point B that is really a drag.

I much prefer to just get there and start my daily living and taking and accepting whatever comes as a natural part of existence. How many of us in our native land constantly say to ourselves, I must go to Dallas and see the 30 ft cowboy. I must go to Oklahoma City and see the 1st Mc Donalds to sell 2000 burgers in a day. I must go and see the Duckbilled Woodpecker peck out the Morse Code in the Black Pine forest in a German enclave in Fredericksburg so I can buy some trinkets in the gift shop for my Whatnot shelf. WHY?

OK, it’s one form of traveling that a certain sector of the population wants but I find it doesn’t work for me. I find that putting the wife and three bratty kids in the Station wagon and going from curio shop to curio shop buying Wooden Tomahawks is not a workable vacation. Besides, I don’t have a station wagon, wife and three bratty kids.

No, I’d rather live out a normal life and see and talk to the normal people as I come into contact with them in everyday activities. These are the people I want to listen to. These are the people whose opinions I value. Living someplace for a while and knowing people who the 4-Star travelers will never see is the gratifying part that I cherish. Going along the “4-Star Trail” only gets so much smoke up your Wazoo that when Flatulence does strike you resemble a Mosquito Fog Machine.

I much prefer the smile from the girl behind the counter at the market where you like to buy your cheese. These are the people I want to see and talk to.

“I only get two weeks a year from My Rat Race Two Hours a Day on the Freeway Miserable Humdrum Life job that I can go take a vacation.” Well, that’s your fault not mine. If you don’t like it then go be an English Teacher. I can’t and won’t accept responsibility for your misgivings.